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I never thought I'd ever feel this vulnerable again. Locking myself in my own room. I just want to hide away from everything, but they don't understand, how could they? They think I'm just being lazy and selfish. They'll refuse to see the fucking pain. And tears, seriously? What kind of a dude am I.. tears. I'm sitting here, in complete darkness, trying to choke my own tears so they can't hear it. I just want to break something, destroy something with my hands. I want to stand and scream and yell how fucking hard it is. Right in their face. But I can't because I know it'll just complicate things. So I stay hidden, I keep on keeping on. As a fake. Under a fake ''I'm just tired''. I can't even RE-lock my door because it'll cause more drama. All I want right now is some goddamned peace and quiet. IS THAT SO HARD TO SEE? And the only real reason I'm writing this is because I hope it will calm me down. And to keep a record of how bad I've felt. Because this is the lowest I've ever sunken. I just want to close my door, lie in my bed and not go out ever again ever. And the thing that bothers me the most is that I've got noone to blame. Noone. I'm me. I fucked up. I made me this.
It sucks.


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